Is Forgiveness Always the Key?

Posted by on Apr 30, 2017 in Blog | 0 comments

It’s been several weeks since my cousin passed away and the disbelief has been replaced with utter sadness.  As stated in my previous entry people deal with grief in many different ways and mine is to temporarily shut out reality (at least while at home) by immersing myself in various television programs and movies which has helped quite a bit.  Writing also enables me to express my thoughts on a range of topics which are not only therapeutic at this particular period of time but I can also write about certain subjects not always discussed yet ones that make for interesting reading.


Such is the case regarding whether or not people really need to forgive others in order to overcome their own heartache.  Of the countless real-life crime shows I’ve seen about someone who’s been murdered, so many times a relative or friend of the victim/victims will state that the only way for them to get past their rage and emotional distress is to forgive the person who committed the crime.  They talk about how by forgiving the monster who brutally killed their loved one they’re able to get past their own anguish and move on and that’s good for them but others might not necessarily be in agreeance with them including myself.  If God forbid someone in my family were a victim of homicide or even vehicular manslaughter I’d be consumed with so much agony and hatred I wouldn’t be able to sleep or even concentrate on anything more than wanting that person to pay with their own life for what they’d caused.  While I might not act on those thoughts and as the years pass the immense hatred may even subside I sure as hell wouldn’t forgive the monster responsible I just couldn’t.


Whenever I watch a show about someone who states that they’ve “learned” or “decided” to forgive the killer who took away their loved one I get so repulsed and incensed because I just can’t comprehend it.  Yet whenever I watch other shows depicting a person who enacted revenge on their loved one’s killer/killers I’m content with that.  I feel justice was dutifully served and that they should be fully exonerated whether it’s deemed a revenge killing or a case of temporary insanity as frequently used by defense attorneys.  Every single time there’s a program on about someone having been murdered followed by that person’s relative making their victim impact statement about how they’ve forgiven the inhuman killer who executed the unspeakable crime it literally turns my stomach and my mood immediately turns to anger.  Some cases, though rare are ones I can understand.  For example, if somebody driving accidentally hits and kills someone and it was simply an accident with it being no one’s fault and the relative or relatives of the victim does in fact forgive that person I’m OK with that because it wasn’t intentional.  But if a person cold-heartedly murders another whether it be due to a crime of passion, over money or any other reason due to the simple fact that he or she is nothing more than a completely depraved killer there’s no way in hell I’d forgive them.  No f*cking way!


Now if the script was flipped and the relative of the victim making their impact statement were to pull a gun on the person who committed the crime thus killing him/her my mood would change entirely as I’d know this was fully justified and the person, otherwise knows as the murderer got exactly what they deserved.  Then that relative could in turn plead insanity in the same court room and they just may end up being acquitted.  To which I proudly exclaim “Amen and Hallelujah!”  Forgive that!  While I’m in no way encouraging people to go out and kill the person or persons who took away someone they love I am illustrating the profundity of how I can’t and won’t agree with people who themselves decide to forgive or who try to console others who’v lost someone they love to a heinous act by encouraging them to forgive the person who perpetrated the crime so as to come to terms with it and move on.


Let people go through the various emotions necessary in order to get through a most devastating loss whether it be sheer agony, absolute hatred and even thoughts about retribution (just so long as they don’t act on them).  If after some time they feel they can forgive the person who carried out the crime against their loved one and they feel peace and closure that’s great but if they feel that, despite getting through their own emotional suffering they’ll never be able to forgive that’s fine too.  There’s no law stating that the only way people can get through their own affliction is to find forgiveness towards others.  It doesn’t always work that way and honestly shouldn’t.


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